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Online Safety: A Guide for Parents
by
Dr. Merle Marsh*, Director of Special Projects
It's not easy being a parent these days. In addition to all of
your other parental responsibilities, you have to keep up with
what's going on with your children and the Internet. Some parents
worry that they'll never know as much as their children when it
comes to computers, but the truth is:
(1) Your children probably don't know as much as they think they
know nor as much as they want you to think they know.
(2) You know what is best for your children, whether it comes
to the Internet or any other activity. You don't have to be a
techie guru to guide and protect your children. But it does take
some work.
Let me tell you up front that there are no magic buttons that
will keep your children completely safe. Although I'll describe
some "tools" that can help you, the responsibility falls
upon your children and you. They and you are by far the best Internet
filters.
Keep in mind as you read this that computers and online interaction
are part of your children's world and forbidding them from this
interaction is probably not going to stop them from seeking out
opportunities to do it some place other than home. It's "the"
thing to do now-a-days, and in many ways it's like gathering at
a friend's home, in a fast food restaurant, or talking on the
telephone with friends. Being accepted by a group is extremely
important to them. You should keep in mind that most of your children's
online activities will be just fine and quite innocent. But, like
other activities in your children's lives such as going to the
mall or the boardwalk, meeting friends at a party, etc., online
interaction can be dangerous. It's best to monitor this interaction
from home.
What about the younger children?
With preschool though primary levels, this is your chance to teach
your children through example. Work with them as they enjoy online
activities, and show them sites they can visit. Put these sites
in your Favorites or Bookmarks, so that they'll learn to go to
these sites when they are on the computer. Such "starter
sites" might include children's sites they enjoy, and of
course, meet with your approval, and others like these:
The San Diego Zoo (http://www.sandiegozoo.com)
NASA for Kids (http://www.nasa.gov/audience/forkids/home/index.html)
Yahooligans (http://www.yahooligans)
Ask Jeeves for Kids (http://www.ajkids.com/)
National Geographic for Kids (http://www.nationalgeographic.com/kids/)
The American Library Association's Great Sites for Kids (http://www.ala.org/gwstemplate.cfm?section=greatwebsites&template=/cfapps/gws/default.cfm)
Teach younger children how to use email for sending notes to relatives
and friends and show them what types of messages they are allowed
to open. Don't let them get into chatting, surfing, playing online
games, or engaging in Instant Messaging unless you are with them.
Be aware that your younger children will want to model what you
and the older children in the family are doing, so be careful
about what access younger children have to online activities they
should not be involved in. Make sure that siblings and babysitters
do not allow younger children to participate in games, sites and
messaging, which are not meant for their age group.
—And if you think you don't need to worry about your children's
Internet behavior at this age, keep in mind that children as young
as seven, when allowed to use Instant Messaging, have been known
to create subtle messages/keystrokes to inform those with whom
they are "chatting" that parents are watching.
Examples of Rules You Might Use
1. Do not give out your last name, address, telephone number,
parents' names, credit card information, school name, teams you
play on, or any other information that identifies you.
2. Give your parents a list of any passwords or usernames you
use online. Do not give anyone else, even your best friends, your
passwords and user names.
3. Let your parents or teacher know immediately if you see or
hear something online that makes you feel uncomfortable. Let your
parents or teacher know if anyone online is not treating you in
an appropriate manner.
4. You are expected to treat those you meet online with respect
and courtesy. Inappropriate language and photographs are not allowed.
Neither is teasing, posting comments that are hurtful to others,
etc.
5. Realize that some people online may not be who they appear
to be. Do not pretend to be someone else when you are online.
Never agree to meet anyone you met online unless your parents
approve and go with you to meet the person.
6. Do not download files available through email or online unless
you know who sent you the files, and you are expecting to receive
a file from this person. (Young children should not be allowed
to download files without parents' permission.)
7. Adhere to the time limits your parents set for your use of
the computer. Do not make socializing on the computer or playing
games on the computer your main leisure time activity.
8. Never use the computer to interact with others late at night.
9. Discuss your online activities with your parents. Realize that
your online safety is their responsibility and yours, too.
10. Keep in mind that using the Internet is a privilege, not a
right, and that if you abuse this privilege, it will be taken
away from you.
Advice Relating to Online Activities
eMail and Sites: Depending upon the ages of your
children, set rules about downloading of files, email that can
be opened and sent, sites that may and may not be visited, appropriate
language to use online, whether photos and files may be uploaded,
filling out forms on sites, online shopping, etc. Younger children
and children who have not learned to surf the Net safely, should
use student browsers such as Yahooligans (http://www.yahooligans.com)
and Ask Jeeves for Kids (http://www.ajkids.com).
Instant Messaging (IM)/Internet Phoning/Cell Phones:
Decide whether to allow Instant Messaging, and if you do, set
limits about when your children can engage in IMing. Discuss appropriate
language when messaging and with whom your children may interact.
If you have a camera attached to your computer, Instant Messaging
can include live audio and video, as in video conferencing. You
should consider whether you'll allow your children use video and
audio as part of their messaging. IM connections are made through
Buddy Lists on your children's computers. Periodically ask to
see these Buddy Lists. Be aware that some teens have hundreds
of buddies on their lists, many of whom they do not actually know.
Let your children know that this is not acceptable.
With free software such as Skype, your children can "telephone"
others using a computer. This type software connects like IMing
to those on a list similar to a Buddy List. After a "ring"
on the computer, a message asking whether the call will be accepted
appears. Once accepted, your children can talk just like they
are on a telephone. Therefore, any rules you apply to your children's
use of IMing and telephones/cellphones should apply here. Such
rules would include when calls can be received and made (such
as not while doing homework or late at night), appropriate language,
etc. Don't worry—even if your children are talking to a
friend or relative in England, there are no long distance charges.
All you need is a fast Internet connection.
Rules about when calls can be made and received should be applied
to cell phone use as well. If your children's cell phones have
photo options, you'll need to talk with them about what types
of photographs may be taken with their phones. For example, photography
in locker rooms and restrooms should be off limits, and they should
never distribute on their phones or the Internet uncomplimentary
or revealing photos of themselves or anyone else. Cell phones
can be set up with Internet, email, and messaging connections;
therefore, your rules for these should apply to cell phones as
well.
Podcasts/Videocasts, MP3 Players, Music Downloading:
There are many wonderful songs, podcasts and videocasts available
for MP3 players and computers, but there are also some that are
inappropriate for children and teens. Talk to your children about
what they are downloading to their MP3 players and/or computers
and set rules regarding types of programs, music, etc. they may
use on their players. Be aware that podcasts/videocasts are subscriptions
and will download children's computers and MP3 players each time
they are updated. The subscriptions are free, and you and your
children can unsubscribe as needed. You'll want to monitor time
spent on these devices and make sure that your children are not
involved in illegal downloading of music files. For additional
information on music files, check out Music Downloading (http://www.powertolearn.com/internet_smarts/interactive_case_studies/index.shtml#musicdown).
Games: Children under 12 should not be given
the option of using online connections to play multi-player “adult”,
“mature” or “teen” rated games. There
are too many dangers including exposure to inappropriate language
and situations, especially from adults posing as children, for
them to be out in cyberspace alone. This is a time to say “no”
no matter how mature your children may seem or how much they beg
that “everyone else” is doing it.
If you own an Xbox 360 system, you can use the Xbox 360 Console
Family Settings (http://www.xbox.com/en-US/support/familysettings/console/xbox360/consolefamilysettings.htm)
to grant or restrict access to games based on the ESRB rating
when playing offline. When playing online, Family Settings can
be used to restrict access to content and contacts based upon
your preferences. Other gaming devices do not appear to have such
safety controls.
Online gaming involves problems relating to violence in some games
and social interaction problems similar to those listed in the
next section.
Social Networking, Blogs (online discussion groups), Chat
Rooms, Online Diaries: Sites such as MySpace, Bebo, Teenspot,
etc. have become very popular places for preteens, teens and adults
to socialize.
Problems with these activities include:
• Children often post personal information and believe that
no one but their friends can access it. The information posted
is not private.
• Although the sites generally set age limits for membership,
anyone can sign up as a member. Even if your children are of the
age to be on a site like MySpace (14 is the minimum here), they
may (and usually do) list their age as several years older.
• Girls often post photos of themselves that make them look
older and sexier; some boys like to post macho photos. Such photos
may give the wrong person/persons an inaccurate impression of
your children.
• Although much of the content on these sites is simply
teen talk, there is a content that stretches the envelope of appropriate
behavior. Even if your children are following a site's and your
rules for safe posting, they will have access to postings of others
that may not follow the rules.
• Children can post unkind information about others, and
if they know others' passwords and user names, they can post inappropriate
information that will look like it is coming from those whose
IDs they've used.
• Some people on these sites become what are known as "cyberbullies".
Cyberbullies are similar to a playground or neighborhood bullies,
only these people (often preteens and teens) do their bullying
online. They use their online anonymity to create problems for
others. They may tease, stalk, post false information, or even
threaten. This can happen in any type of online interaction such
as games, blogging, social networkings, etc. Incidents of cyberbullying
should be reported to site officials; if the bullying is serious
(threats or continuous bullying), it should be reported to the
police. Site officials will assist with providing evidence to
the legal authorities.
• There is no guarantee that those your children meet on
these sites are who they say they are.
What you can do besides setting rules for your children's
interaction online.
• Place computers in areas where you can see what your children
are doing.
• Talk with your children about their activities on the
Internet.
• Know what your children are doing online. With the older
ones, you can't and won't want to be looking over their shoulders
every minute, but you should check in on what they are doing from
time to time. They may not like it, but it's your job.
• Ask them to show you their profile if they are involved
in social networking. If you don't want to do this or they make
an excuse for not showing it to you, you can see their profile
by signing up for the social network site yourself. The easiest
ways to find the information your children post are to search
the social networking site by the school name or by your children's
email addresses. (Make sure you know the email addresses and user
names your children are using.)
• Another way to find out some of what your children are
posting online is to do a Google or other search engine search
for their names or user names. Just put their name in quotation
marks. If it's a common name like "Mary Jones", you'll
need to put in additional keywords ("Mary Jones" Worcester
Prep Camp lacrosse) to help the search engine find Mary. You might
also search by any unique nicknames they are likely to use online.
Remember that many of the "Mary Jones" listings that
you find won't be your daughter.
• If your browser is Internet Explorer, select "Preferences"
when IE is open to set levels of safety.
• If you use an Internet provider such as AOL or MSN, look
for the parental control sections to set levels of safety. If
you use another provider, contact that provider about safety options
you or they might set. Some providers offer discounts for the
purchase of software tools such as those mentioned in the next
bullet.
• Consider software tools that may help you keep your children
safe, but be aware that children love to find their way around
software tools, that keeping the tools up-to-date to fit your
family may take time, and that the software may block or filter
sites such as medical sites or sites that contain "forbidden"
words in them such as "sex", which would exclude sites
with the word "Sussex" and lots of others. These software
tools are designed to do Internet site filtering, filtering of
what goes out from your children's computer, Internet site blocking,
and/or monitoring and tracking of what your children are doing.
With them you can follow the path your children have taken online,
set time limits, filter sites with inappropriate language and
photos, get reports on your children's Internet activities, block
sites that are inappropriate for children, etc.
For software information that helps you pick the best tool for
keeping your children safe, check Wired Safety's What You
Always Wanted to Know About Filtering Software but were afraid
to ask... (http://www.familyguidebook.com/filtering.html)
or GetNetWise's Tools for Families (http://kids.getnetwise.org/tools/).
Don't forget to trust and monitor.
After you're sure your children know the rules for online interaction,
you've got to trust that they will follow them not only because
you cannot watch their typing fingers and their computer screens
all the time but also because they must learn to deal with online
situations on their own through knowledge and common sense. Even
so, you must continue to monitor from time to time. Realize that
children and even older teens are very trusting and that they
do not believe they will encounter any problems. Most of the time
they won't, but being careful will not be a mistake. Consider
this conversation, which took place about six years ago:
"Dr. Marsh," one of our juniors said enthusiastically,
"I love chatting online, and I've met a girl who is attending
an Ivy League college. She is really special and we chat all the
time."
"Jim (not his real name)," I asked, "What did you
tell her about yourself?"
"Oh, I couldn't tell her that I was only in high school,"
he said laughing, "so I said I was in college and that I
played lacrosse."
"Considering that you didn't tell her the truth about yourself,
do you think she's telling you the truth?" I asked.
"She wouldn't lie to me," he said and he was sure of
it.
All of this does sound a bit like gloom and doom,
but it isn't. Most of the time your children won't encounter problems
online, but they must learn to use the Internet safely. The Internet
is an exciting, powerful, and excellent resource for all of us.
We want your children to use it both at school and at home, for
it is an important part of life and learning today. Let's work
together to help them use it wisely.
Additional Notes for Parents
The Worcester Prep network blocks Instant Messaging, inappropriate
sites, and social networking and blog-type sites. Because Internet
sites are continuously changing and evolving, Kathy Hagar, our
Networking & Technologies Specialist, is always updating Worcester's
filtering. If you know of any inappropriate sites students are
using on our network, please let Mrs. Hagar know so that she can
block them.
This document is posted on our web site in the "Academics"
section under Lower School, Middle School, and Upper School. By
accessing it there, you'll be able to use the links to the Internet.
*In addition to helping Worcester's parents with online safety,
Dr. Marsh has written about safe and effective ways for children
to use computers and the Internet for Apple Computer, the Computer
Learning Foundation, Cisco Systems, and CableVision. You can download
one of her publications at: http://www.powertolearn.com/internet_smarts/the_guide.shtml.
If you have any questions about Internet safety, don't hesitate
to call Dr. Marsh.
Sites of Interest
Blogs, Profile Sites, Diary Sites or Social Networking
Sites
(http://www.wiredsafety.org/internet101/blogs.html),
Information on safety online for those visiting these types of
sites.
Center for Missing and Exploited Kids
(http://www.missingkids.com/),
Child safety information, Cyber Tipline, Information on sexual
exploitation.
Common Sense
(http://www.commonsensemedia.org/),
An online newsletter for parents and educators packed with valuable
information about games, television shows, movies, and websites.
Parents can subscribe to this free newsletter to get updates sent
to their email address.
Cyberbullying (http://www.powertolearn.com/internet_smarts/interactive_case_studies/index.shtml#cyberbully),
Slideshow for students on cyberbullying, information for parents
and teachers.
Family Internet
(http://familyinternet.about.com/library/weekly/aa122198.htm),
An excellent source of information on child safety.
GetNetWise
(http://www.getnetwise),
Information on software tools to keep your children safe. You
fill in the information about what you want, and the site provides
a list of applicable software.
Internet Super Heroes
(http://www.internetsuperheroes.org/cyberbullying/youth),
Information about cyberbullying for younger children.
Keeping Personal Information Private (http://www.powertolearn.com/internet_smarts/interactive_case_studies/index.shtml#persprivate),
Slideshow for students, information for parents and teachers.
Security at Home: Protect Your Family (http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/children/default.mspx),
Information on child safety. Contains a video about teaching your
children about safety online.
WiredSafety
(http://www.wiredsafety.org)
Loaded with information that will be helpful to parents who are
concerned about online safety of their children. Contains comments
from Internet privacy and security lawyer Perry Aftab.
Places to Learn About and/or Purchase Software Tools to
Help with Child Safety
A+ Internet Filtering for Families
(http://www.hedgebuilders.com/A%20.html)
Macintosh, Windows
AOL Parent Controls (http://site.aol.com/info/parentcontrol.html)
Macintosh, Windows
CyberPatrol (http://www.cyberpatrol.com/)
Windows
CyberSitter (http://www.cybersitter.com/)
Windows
NetNanny (http://www.netnanny.com/)
Windows
Software for Parents (http://www.software4parents.com)
Macintosh, Windows
SurfSafely (http://www.surfsafely.net/)
Macintosh, Windows
Spectorsoft (http://www.spectorsoft.com)
Macintosh, Windows
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